So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
