there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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