Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
