How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
