Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
