Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
