Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
