This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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