Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize