U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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