after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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