she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
