Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
