If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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