I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
