Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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