Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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