puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
