I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
