Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm bleeding and have questions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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