I must be too annoying 4 u.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
