Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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