I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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