I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
