whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
