So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
