You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize