TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
