In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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