Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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