Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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