i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
