I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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