you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
