Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
