giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
