so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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