I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Someone shit on the floor
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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