She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
