are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
