So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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