I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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