yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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