Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
