And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize