Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
