If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
