Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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