Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
