i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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