He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
