I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
