Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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