you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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