And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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