I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
