Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
