just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
