i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize