I heard we made out
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
