you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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