I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
