who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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