piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
