Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
