I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
