I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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