you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
