Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
