Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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