I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A bitchslap is in order.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize