ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
