HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
