Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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