And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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